Molina, Lago di Como, Italy

 

I'm sitting on the balcony of my Airbnb in Lake Como drinking a cup of coffee. It's not an Instagram moment in the way I think it should be, it never is.

I don't post much on Instagram. I watch. I watch and I set expectations and standards for myself and I compare. My life is always found wanting. The coffee moment never feels like what it looks like on someone else's story. The vibes are never right. I am never cool enough. So I don't post. Because even if my life seems cool from the blip in time I did share, I know that isn't real. So what's the point in sharing?

My real trip is mixed because that's how life is. I spent the last few days stressed about work, stressed about catching covid and having to miss Anabelle's wedding, and disappointed that it was so hazy on the lake.

I've spent most mornings of this trip stressed about the fact that Mikey is not awake in time for us to actually have coffee in the morning. Or stressed that I haven't gotten up early enough myself to get the right amount of work in.

Not today though. Today I'm done giving attention to Instagram, I'm done stressing, and I'm done wasting my precious morning prepping for the rest of the day. I'm here. Sitting on the balcony and looking at the view I based this whole part of the trip on. 

It IS a gorgeous lake. And from this high perch I can see cars driving along the road on the other side. I see mountains layered into the distance with small ancient towns at their feet and nestled in their folds. I see boats and ferries making ripples up and down the lake. I hear birds, a sea plane, the clanking bell on the donkey that lives below us, and various other murmurings of the day. 

My coffee is good. Not great. And the last of it got cold while I was writing this. I don't have supplies for breakfast. It's 11am and Mikey is sleeping. I'm letting him sleep. Maybe we'll make it to Switzerland today, maybe we won't. And that's ok. This morning I am really here.